its so ironic that after i post my last post, i started to feel better, then suddenly it came on so quickly. i threw up my entire day, like usual. so much fun...not. so of course i didnt get into school today. feeling like absolute crap. i really just want a break from it all but it never seems to happen. this weekend was so good, i wanted to make it into school so bad. but i am thankful that i had a fun weekend and got to enjoy my amazing friends. my parents are starting to talk about taking me out of school again. thats exactly what i dont want this year, my senior year. it would be homebound again. last year it did really relieve so much stress from me. i dont know if i want to or not this year. i want to be in school so bad, but only when i feel good and thats so rare. being at home gives me some peace about worrying about getting into school. i dont know. i need to think it through...

so now i am feeling better, sortof. its so on and off its frustrating and annoying as hell. please someone fix me. this week i only have two days of school so im praying that i will be able to get there. i need to. ive missed about half of the days that we have been in school, and we've only been in 40. but whatever i do what i can. one of my favorite quotes for gp is "take one day at a time." caus thats really all that you can do. it helps me handle the stress of everyday life and all the stress that comes with missing school, dance, my future and everything in my life that happens to go wrong. i just have to take one day at a time. thats all we can really do guys.

hello GP suffers,

its been a month since my last post and i just wanted to fill you guys in. nothing major has been happening except being extremely sick. the previous two weeks i was out of school, totally sick. ontop of that i had an awful cold. it made me feel miserable and i just wanted to sleep all day. we have been trying this sancuso patch. its supposed to relieve nausea, you put the patch on your arm and keep iton for seven days. but it really doesnt like to stay that long. so i have to bandage it down. i really hate it though and dont recommend it. it doesnt really help at all and all it does is change the color of my skin and leave weird bug bite like bumps all over the spot it was. luckily i have been feeling well enough this week to go to school. i also didnt get sick at the homecoming dance last saturday. i made it the whole time, sweaty and all with getting over heated, sick, or vomitting. hooray!

i hope you all are feeling well.

xoxo.

dear readers,

i know that its almost been a month since my last post, and i am so truly sorry for that. things have been up and down, like usual. recently, for the past couple days, i have been feeling awful. i was up all night last night throwing up things from 3 o'clock that afternoon. not fun. we went to the temple university medical center for another gastric emptying test a couple weeks ago. it was six hours long and not that fun. during the test the tech said everything was moving through fine. WTF? apparently it was a mostly normal test except for when the liquids went through? this makes no sense to me, especially since recently ive been throwing up things at night that i ate for breakfast. its so frustrating and im not sure what this means now. all i know is that i an so incredibly tired of being ill all the time. i just want to be normal, live a normal carefree life. im so very tired of having to watch and worry about everything i do, put in my mouth, and taking all of my medicine. im so tired of the comments and the lack of care since this has gone on so long. people have seemed to forget about my feelings and think just because its gone on this long and that i may seem happy on the inside, that im not being killed on the inside. its so frustrating but i have to live with it.

hope you guys are feeling good.

xoxo.

hello everyone,

so great news. last time we saw dr. lee she suggested we go see a doctor in philadelphia who is doing a clinical trial. so that was our next step. it took forever but we finally got an appointment for dr. parkman at temple medical center. he is a big shot and such a dear. he told me that i was too young for the trial but that there are many more options for my nausea. hooray! some of the greatest news ever. he put me on this patch that i will wear for nausea (not sure of the name). im going to start it soon so ill fill you in then!

hope everyone is feeling great!

xoxo.

good evening my sweet readers,

i want to keep up with this blog so badly so im going to try my best to blog frequently. nothing new or exciting has happened since the last post. running has seemed to really help my stability, strength, and endurance. little by little i am gaining back the strength i once had (as a dancer). im hoping to be in good shape in the next 2 weeks when the danceline/colorguard band camp begins. i can only describe it as hell to me, waking up very very early, doing vigorous activities from 8:30 am to 4:30 pm, and being out all that time in the hott hott weather. im not looking forward to it, or the way my stomach will handle it. but this is what the running is for and hopefully ill be better off come camp time. i hope everyone reading is feeling good. my best GP friend from england is not doing so well. she is permanently hospitalized because she has lost so much weight, and cant keep food in. i feel so awful for her and i wish so badly that i could go be with her at the hospital. unfortunately she lives across the atlantic ocean. so a prayer goes out to her and all of you suffering for this horrid disease.

feel good today.

xoxo.

hey everybody,

i hope all is feeling well. i sure am not. since the last post i have still struggled with my stomach, and throwing up. i just cant seem to get out of this slump. its terrible. this hasnt happened in such a long time.

so today is day 1 of my "self- endurance training" a.k.a. me running everyday. ive heard from a lot of GPers that running and being active helps their stomach. now i couldnt handle doing dance for more than an hour but right now i need to build up my strength and endurance for this upcoming year of danceline//colorguard. Its my last year and i made captain so i need to be able to do everything im asked. so im going to go for a run//walk everyday. im really hoping that itll work out for the best.

stay strong.

hello fellow GP-ers.

i have finally been feeling good consistently. its so very nice that the 8 pills of domperidone a day is finally seeming to work. its a miracle drug, and bullshit that its not FDA approved. utter bullshit. but feeling decent has been going my way, welll until two nights ago. after eating a bit too many chocolate covered pomegranates, i was throwing up so so so hard, that i actually couldn't breathe. i had just major inflammation of my damaged vocal chords and failing thyroid glands that i couldn't breathe. nothing like this has ever happened to me. it was quite frightening. so of course the boyfriend called 911, since of course i was at his house. mom and dad rushed over and the ambulance took me to the ER. win! there they took xrays of my lungs and throat. everything was okay and finally the breathing became close to normal and i could go home. what a pain in the ass this disease is. so many things all combined really screws with my life. but on a good note, i will be leaving tomorrow for daytona beach florida. my heaven and favorite place on earth. so i cant wait to get away, relax and soak up the sun.

hope everyone is feeling good.

xoxo.

hello everyone,

sorry for such a delay in posts. ive been so busy with finishing up my school work that i havent had much time to post. ive been feeling on the up for a very long time. i had a tropical party last saturday, ate a lot of junk, and loved it. it didnt even kill me. i was okay and was able to do things that night and the next few days. i loved eating whatever i wanted. it was such a thrill.

bad new i have is that i now have a failing thyroid. my GI thought fixing it might be the key to my nausea and GP, but the endocrinologist ensured us that it is not. My thyroid functions are normal, but it produces off the chart numbers of thyroid anti-bodies. it explains my constant exhaustion and my sleeping forever. so im on yet another medicine which i cannot take within four hours of my others (pain in the ass). its good to know though, that something was wrong before it got to bad. i have to go get a nodule biopsied this thursday. great, cannot wait for them to shove a large needle into my throat. im not to nervous because its common to have large nodules and not be cancer. theyre just doing it for safe keepings. but once this gets fixed ill have another healthy organ in my body. hooray!

hope you all are feeling well.

xoxo.

hello readers,

just another update for you all. i have been plagued with sickness for the past couple of days. i was doing good from tuesday till thursday. and then non stop puking since then. i don't think the domperidone is doing so much, so mum is going to call dr. lee first thing monday to play around with the dosage. hopefully that will do something for this ragged stomach.

since i've been really starting to follow a strict diet, i have decided to become a Pescetarian. which means basically being a vegetarian, but one who eats seafood and shellfish. seafood makes my tummy so happy, seriously. i never ever get sick after eating some type of seafood, (my favorites being shrimp lobster and crab.) i actually have been following PETA myself and watching videos and reading things that really dont help my nausea. HAHA. my boyfriends sister is a vegan so she is helping me with foods and recipes i can use to get proteins and nutrients without eating meat! but cruelty aside, i believe that this is a good direction in a diet, and i am excited to see if it really works or helps at all.

hope youre feeling great!

xoxo.

wake up in the morning....... not feeling like p.diddy

hello my lovely readers,

so...ever since the beginning of this whole stomach mess, the morning has been the absolute worst time of the day for me. if i have to get up early i am literally paralyzed in nausea and can hardly get out of my bed. every morning this happens when i have to wake up early, no matter what, even if i felt great the day before and even several days before. it is the most frustrating thing in the entire world, and nothing seems to fix it, except going back to sleep to numb the nausea away. thats why i cannot go to school, but when i did i would only go for a half day. this is also why i haven't gone to my college class at 9:30 in sooo very long. i feel so frustrated and i do everything in my power to get up and go, but its really is physically impossible.

so i ask...

does anyone else have this problem?!

let me know.

xoxo.

when there's no light to break up the dark, that's when i look at you.

hello fellow GPers,

how is everyone feeling? i know my stomach has been doing some weirdo things. i think that maybe the domperidone has been helping me feel better but ive still been puking so much, atleast every other day. its very confusing because i do not even feel sick and then i just have to puke. then i'm totally miserable after. not what i'm really used to.

i've had some great days, and i've gone out as much as possible. my best friend cara also is at home and sick. she has fibromyalgia and a gluten intolerance so she's home from college. poor thing. she also has some tummy problems herself. so we can hang out during the day and not be bored and alone. i really love being with her, she;s a blessing. and then after that i have my amazing boyfriend, who has helped me more than anyone, in the evening. i love it. i really do love my life now, minus the GP, now that i have really found out what my life is about and who i really want in my life. i have surrounded myself with the most amazing people in this world, and i couldn't be happier. as awful as this disease may be, i do believe that it has happened for a reason. i have met so many amazing people, lost many people that i discovered dont really belong in my life, and have found out who my true friends are and i am so thankful for them. to all you reading, focus on things like that, because as hard as it is to not focus on the bad, think of the good that has come out of this disease. there has been a lot of bad, but i know for me, there has also been plenty of good.

just wanted to give you an update, and try to keep up more with this blog.

i hope you are all feeling so good.

xoxo.

life moves slowly, when your waiting for it to boil.

hello readers,

sorry its been so late since i last posted. since last weeekend i have been just trampled with sickness. but good new, the domperidone has been shipped. i cannot wait to try it. its kindof sad.

ive sticking with the liquid diet. my plan for good days is no solids until 2:00 PM and stop eating around 8. but onsick days, liquids only, minus small noodles or rice that may be in soup, like dr. lee said. i do think it has helped sooth my stomach when it is sick. my parents bought this blender// food processor called the Ninja. (HAAH i know.) but boyy that thing really works. itll chop anything and everything so quick. perfect for the liquid diet.

the boyfriends gone until sunday, so hopefully i can keep myself occupied. planned a shopping trip tomorow evening with one of my girlfriends,so that will hopefully distract me from feeling like crap.

does anyone know if i can eat sushi?

feel good today.

xoxo.

heartbreak warfare.

hey lovers,

hope every one has started off the week feeling good! i wish i could say i did, but not so much. yesterday, (sun. 28th) i threw up three times. this isn't that unusual, but i haven't in a very long time. since last week ive just been down, hit so hard with nausea and pukies. no fun.

but the good new is that this thursday we will be heading down to baltimore to see the infamous dr. linda lee. she was actually just on tv for some colonoscopy story.she seems awesome and i cant wait to see what she says. i dont have much hope, because ive just learned not to since ive been let down so much. but shes the best, she has to have some ideas.

i will be trying to keep more consistent with my posts, especially this week. please continue to email me or any other contacting avenues i have up. i love to talk to people with my disease. i have made such great friends. one in particular from the uk who i just love to death, and hope to meet some day. so keep on contacting.

we can be friends!

xoxo.

she's not broken, she's just a baby.

ello loves,

yesterday was not a fun day. i threw up a lot. and basically everything i ate that day. it totally grosses me out that food from the morning sits in my tum all day even until 11 o'clock at night. but i find it strange that i first throw up my lunch at 9 o'clock, when i ate it at 2, before i throw up my dinner? shouldn't my dinner be first? my tummy makes no sense. i just really want to feel good for a change. i indulged in a huge pickle last night, not a good idea. but it was so worth it. hahaha. sometime i just say to myself screw it. i dont feel good anyways, why not? im just so terrible at following diets. my food craving and hunger seem to over power me. boo.

how are you all feeling?

dont forgot to email//formspring//tweet.

xoxo.

together we'll dance in the dark.

hello beautifuls,

once again sorry for the not so constant updates. there's nothing much going on other than feeling sick and being lazy.i went to my irish step class last night and after i felt awful. i know i said exercise seems to help me, but you've got to know your limits, and i think i've pushed mine too far.

its just so frustrating to not be able to do the things you love (as you all know), and dancing has always been there for me when i needed it. it sounds silly but i have loved to dance since the age of three, and i have ever since. its hard to see yourself have to give up something you have loved your whole life, and put so much time, effort, and work into. i've never know any other sport or activity other than dance. it really consumed my life, and i feel empty not doing it. i need to move, but it is so very hard. it makes me so sick even after only less than an hour, when i used to go for three straight.

i hope you all have not lost the things you love. i know i have lost so much of me throughout this hard time, but hopefully we all can be strong enough to get it what we truly love, need, and want back.

so i ask, what have you lost?

xoxo.

i'm miles from where you are, i lay down on the cold ground.

hello beautiful readers,

i truly apologize for not posting in such a long time. i've been seriously ill and just unmotivated to do anything. another reason why is that i dont do much in treatment for my GP. here they dont know what to do, or rather what else to do to help me feel better. so all of my doctors are just waiting to see what Dr. Lee says down at Johns Hopkins. hopefully she really has some ideas, suggestions, and plans, because i have absolutely no type of treatment that is helping me. i pray that she will be my savior.

i also pray for all of you to feel well, and for people who even have it worse than we do to feel good as well. try to keep positive my sweets, we can get through anything. i love talking to you guys. keep contacting me with your thoughts &&questions especially if you have a new treatment that works, have seen or are currently seeing dr. lee, or have been to the johns hopkins Gi physicality.

love to you all.

xoxo.

hello my wonderful readers.

so today i went back to dance for the first time in about 5 months. before getting sick, i would take dance for about 6 hours a week. i did everything, pointe, ballet, tap, jazz, lyrical, irish, everything. but ive had to give that up for the past months, but now i feel okay to go back. im only going for an hour to my irish class since there are only two other girls in it. i can work with them and my teacher more personally until i can build up my strength, flexibility, and stamina, and learn the 6 other dances ive missed.

i actually felt great. i got my mind onto something that i love and it does feel good to exercise. so when im not going to dance im either going to the gym, or doing yoga at home. i highly suggest doing some type of physical activity, if youre able. even if its just walking. thats just what ive been doing at the gym. i think im going to go in on saturdays for 2 hours to learn our opener dance which they just started to i can keep up with that aswell. im just so excited to be back i missed dancing so much.

so my tip to everyone, MOVE! do sometype of physical activity, even if its short and small. it can make you feel a lot bettter, and get your mind off of the stomach.

feel good today.

xoxo.

so happy i could die.

hello my lovely readers,

i'm terribly sorry for the lack of posting. my stomach has not been feeling good at all. as you may know i have been on the medicine erythromycin since i was diagnosed with GP. but it has only made my symptoms worse. i've been on it for about 3 weeks. so my regular doctor said to take a break from it for a couple of days and see if i feel better. and i have. i really think it's causing the worsening of my symptoms. the only problem is, is that there are no medicines left. i had a horrible reaction to reglan, and now this erythromycin is making me more sick. i really hope that they can figure some other alternative.

this disease so frustrating at times. i've been talking on facebook to three amazing ladies around my age. one who is around 19, one 22, and one exactly my age and in my exact position. is so nice to be able to talk to people who know how you feel, have been treated the same way, and who go through the things that i go through every day. its so nice to vent, and to talk about something other than how bad my stomach hurts. i dont have to explain my every symptoms to them in great detail, they just know. and it is so amazing. i'm making some great friends, especially with the girl my age, nicole. we talk every single day about literally everything! i say she's my GP best friend. and i really hope that someday i may be able to meet her. its so great o have a friend who understands everything that i'm going through.

so everyone, join a group on whatever social website that you may be a part of with people dealing with GP or whatever chronic illness you have. meet people who know how you feel, its such a breathe of fresh air, and it feels great. it can really boost your spirits and you may learn a thing or two.

hope everyone is feeling great.

xoxo.

a day in the life...

hey lovlies,

i hope everybody's feeling good. i know i sure am NOT. yesterday was a great day. i was over at my boyfriends house and i felt fine. until i was in the car on the way home i got super sick, and once i was home i threw up everything i had eaten that day. so much fun!

so today i feel especially like crap. i've been on the computer all morning. i got down my erythromycin with my instant breakfast, and a couple of strawberries too. but that was about four hours ago and i still cant eat anything. so i'm drinking a lot of Gatorade.

Gatorade is another great drink to keep you hydrated when you cant eat. we have so many bottles for me to drink daily so we dont have to go to the hospital. hooray. hahaha.

i hope i am really helping some people, and ive been talking already to so many of you who have read my blog or seem my facebook! please continue to ask me questions, and email me. i really love to talk to people going through this horrible time like i am.

have a great, feel good day everybody!

xoxoxoxx