i have not felt this shitty in ages, and its only because i got my period. i know you probably love hearing these details of my life but i am thrilled to say that this is the only time i get this severely sick. i truly rejoice in the thought of this, knowing where i once was and how far i have come from that deep dark place. i've let go of a lot in my life and i'm learning to live again. i cannot say that i have ever been this truly happy in my life. everything seems to be going to well and i'm not sad. sad like i once was. i finally have friends, true friends, true best friends who i would do absolutely anything for and i already know will be my best friends for the rest of my life. friends whom i am missing so much since we've been on break and had to go home. i'm living my life for myself, not for a boyfriend and not to please my parents, for myself. a huge vent, i know, but i need it. i love to actually see my life and happiness written out. i think this is also why my stomach doesn't hurt... i'm happy again. i'm too happy to care.

i wanted to share with you all my very first tattoo with i got about a week and a half ago. i got the phrase "this too shall pass". i got it because of my diagnosis with GP. whenever i was having one of those awful moments where i was just stuck in sickness and so down, and sad, my mom would always say this to me. apparently her mother said it to her whenever she was going through a hard time as well. it just means that everything will get better, the bad will go away, and things will be better once again. its such a beautiful and special quote to me that i had to get it as the perfect first tattoo. its perfect for GP suffers because its so true with the waves of sickness we all go through and over the improvement that i alone have seen over the past 3 years of having the disease. i hope you all like the tatt!

guess what! its that wonderful time of the month, well for me every 4 months. thank the lord that i was put on continuous birth control to eliminate some of my periods cause man, they are AWFUL. i woke up with paralyzing stomach nausea, missed my two classes, and slept till one. i barely left my dorm, let alone my room. back and fourth with nausea, waves of cramps, and massive pain in my ovary area really just makes the day so wonderful. in addition to my normal meds, i've taken some ibuprofen to ease the pain and basically laid down all day. i hardly ate. and threw up only once. my only secret to getting through periods with GP is to all out eliminate them. i couldn't handle month after month because the intense ill-ness would only be over just in time for a new period to begin. but people always enjoy tell me "i heard thats so bad for you" "you are not going to be able to have kids" this will hurt you in the long run." well actually no its not. my gynecologist, whom i adore and trust with my entire life, told me that there is no need to worry and that nothing bad can happen from increasing the time between periods. so i don't worry one bit. so off to more time in bed i go. waking up and taking a history exam tomorrow morning won't help my stomach, but hopefully i can get through the rest of the day.

i have been having the WORST allergies since thursday this week. well at least i think it's allergies. i'm pretty sure they are, and they are miserable. my entire head is full of crap and its running down my throat and evidently into my stomach making my decent stomach hurt like hell. i slept until 2 today and literally sat around wallowing in self pity over my body feeling like complete crap. and driving back to school for the wonderful hour and a half drive in the pouring rain and dark just added to the day. i'm going to go to the health center tomorrow after my classes to see if they have something to give me to stop this madness!

dear readers,

i cannot express my complete apologizes to all of you who have relied on my blog for information and tips about this awful disease. There has been so many things going on i put this blog on the back burner due to he fact that i don't have such a severe problem with my stomach. But since i've been getting emails about how my blog has helped them recently, i feel that i must start up my blog again and continue telling my story.

I have recently just began my first year of college, and I absolutely love it. For orientation i got a doctors excuse for when i scheduled my classes that they must be later in the morning/day. My earliest class is at 9:30 which is somewhat of a struggle to get up, but i can usually shake it off andcontinue my day on a high note. i only have three classes and a lab so the stress level is generally low. Two classes back to back on monday, wednesday, and friday going from 9:30 until 12:20. Then i;m done for the day. tuesday i only have history from 10 to 12 along with thursday when i have an additional lab from 2:45 to 5:45. i am really happy with all of my classes, especially my biology classes. being a biology major i adore this class and lab, even though its not exactly what i like to study in biology, ecology.

Now i know you all must be wondering how i do my food. There is one cafeteria and there are a couple restaurants somewhat like a food court in our union. all freshman had to get an unlimited meal plan for the cafeteria, but the food is from eat 'n park. not to diss that establishment, but their food is of the lowest quality and happened to make me sick every time that i ate there, no matter what it was. being vegetarian already limit my diet there, and what was left was salad, pizza, and pasta, along with some bizarre specials they would tend to make. all of these being the lowest quality and honestly awful to eat i would throw up almost every time iate there. so something had to change, they wanted to make me my own special menu there but i told them that it didn't work due to the quality of the food not the range in options. the good thing is in our union i have so many choices and can eat very well without getting sick. of course this place is more expensive and they had to change my meal plan completely to fit to this change in eating.

so now i can eat on campus, along with eating in my room. my dad got my a rice cooker, which i found that makes a lot more than just rice. i've made my favorite pasta roni and some mac and cheese without even leaving my room since microwaves are not allowed in out dorms. so i have a lot of options.

i've been drinking a lot of cold tea which seems to always keep my stomach settled along with me being awake and alert.i'll come up with some more way i have been dealing with college for my next post.

hope you all are feeling so well!

xoxo

i haven't blogged about gp in so long because i haven't felt bad in SO long. this is the first time i've felt completely ill and i think its a great thing. i've been able to do so much without feeling sick, and after my vomiting spells i feel much better after. my boyfriend has been with me through the entire time of my disease so he knows how to handle me and how to take care of me, which makes me so happy and gets me through the rough times. i'm just trying to live the happiest, most fun life possible, and not miss out on things i want to do in life.

today i puked for the first time in about 3 weeks. i don't think this has happened since this started over 2 years ago. though puking isn't the most fun activity in the world, i am happy with this progress and i didn't feel defeated when i threw up. this is all a first in an unbelievably long time. so i do believe that i am making good progress toward recovery and getting over this annoying disease. this makes me so happy, i feel like maybe i wont be stuck with this forever. it still gets annoying telling every new person i meet why i'm not in school and explaining exactly what is wrong with me, and hopefully i won't have to that when i get to college. speaking of which i got accepted to my number one school. so im pretty psyched. i pray that i am able to go and be able to experience college for all that its worth. not have to put aside my adult life and my life in general on hold. stay strong gpers.

hey everybody.

i've been so happy to be getting so many emails from you readers. i makes me so happy that i'm effecting people's lives and that i can help them get some answers and possibly feel a little better. so to all of you with questions dont forget my email is dancer4life129@zoominternet.net. i will answer ANY question, dont be afraid to ask, i'll get back to you asap.

so as they stomach goes i've been feeling so much better by getting a lot of the stress out of my life. if you can eliminate some of the things in life that give you anxiety DO IT! it has helped me alot. so has just living. i've been so tired of being kept up in my house that i've been going out and doing as much as i can whenever i can. it doesnt tend to keep my mind of my stomach. i'm tired of not living my life and doing the things i want because of this stupid disease. sometimes you have to stand up to the things that bring you down. i hope you all are doing okay. thanks for reading as always, and dont forget to ask me your questions!

screw you gastoparesis.

you cant beat me.

hello fellow gp haters,

i know i have not posted in SUCH a long time. i guess its only because nothing exciting or different has happened. just sick on and off and on and off.... i have taken to notice how much my emotions influence my stomach. whether it'd be stress, anger, happiness, or sadness, they each take a toll on my stomach. kindof weird to examine but it does make sense in a way, how much emotions can influence your body. so stay strong you beautiful people.

so i just got home from a trip to Philadelphia to the Temple Medical Center to see Dr. Parkman. This wa sa follow up to my stomach emptying scan, which like i said earlier came up so bizarre (my food my going through fine but my liquids had trouble going though (which i have trouble believing because i still puke things from up to 8 hours prior)). He said one of the drug trials that he is involved with i couldn't be a part of because of my results, but there is another trial on a drug that still being cleared through the company. hopefully by the time we go back in april i can be a part of it. he gave me a new drug, another anti-depressant, for the time being. im not sure the name but once i start it i will fill everyone in. i hate taking anti-depressant because i think the paxel has made me even more sad. hopefully this one will do the reverse effect and make me happy and feeling good. fingers crossed.

its so ironic that after i post my last post, i started to feel better, then suddenly it came on so quickly. i threw up my entire day, like usual. so much fun...not. so of course i didnt get into school today. feeling like absolute crap. i really just want a break from it all but it never seems to happen. this weekend was so good, i wanted to make it into school so bad. but i am thankful that i had a fun weekend and got to enjoy my amazing friends. my parents are starting to talk about taking me out of school again. thats exactly what i dont want this year, my senior year. it would be homebound again. last year it did really relieve so much stress from me. i dont know if i want to or not this year. i want to be in school so bad, but only when i feel good and thats so rare. being at home gives me some peace about worrying about getting into school. i dont know. i need to think it through...

so now i am feeling better, sortof. its so on and off its frustrating and annoying as hell. please someone fix me. this week i only have two days of school so im praying that i will be able to get there. i need to. ive missed about half of the days that we have been in school, and we've only been in 40. but whatever i do what i can. one of my favorite quotes for gp is "take one day at a time." caus thats really all that you can do. it helps me handle the stress of everyday life and all the stress that comes with missing school, dance, my future and everything in my life that happens to go wrong. i just have to take one day at a time. thats all we can really do guys.

hello GP suffers,

its been a month since my last post and i just wanted to fill you guys in. nothing major has been happening except being extremely sick. the previous two weeks i was out of school, totally sick. ontop of that i had an awful cold. it made me feel miserable and i just wanted to sleep all day. we have been trying this sancuso patch. its supposed to relieve nausea, you put the patch on your arm and keep iton for seven days. but it really doesnt like to stay that long. so i have to bandage it down. i really hate it though and dont recommend it. it doesnt really help at all and all it does is change the color of my skin and leave weird bug bite like bumps all over the spot it was. luckily i have been feeling well enough this week to go to school. i also didnt get sick at the homecoming dance last saturday. i made it the whole time, sweaty and all with getting over heated, sick, or vomitting. hooray!

i hope you all are feeling well.

xoxo.

dear readers,

i know that its almost been a month since my last post, and i am so truly sorry for that. things have been up and down, like usual. recently, for the past couple days, i have been feeling awful. i was up all night last night throwing up things from 3 o'clock that afternoon. not fun. we went to the temple university medical center for another gastric emptying test a couple weeks ago. it was six hours long and not that fun. during the test the tech said everything was moving through fine. WTF? apparently it was a mostly normal test except for when the liquids went through? this makes no sense to me, especially since recently ive been throwing up things at night that i ate for breakfast. its so frustrating and im not sure what this means now. all i know is that i an so incredibly tired of being ill all the time. i just want to be normal, live a normal carefree life. im so very tired of having to watch and worry about everything i do, put in my mouth, and taking all of my medicine. im so tired of the comments and the lack of care since this has gone on so long. people have seemed to forget about my feelings and think just because its gone on this long and that i may seem happy on the inside, that im not being killed on the inside. its so frustrating but i have to live with it.

hope you guys are feeling good.

xoxo.

hello everyone,

so great news. last time we saw dr. lee she suggested we go see a doctor in philadelphia who is doing a clinical trial. so that was our next step. it took forever but we finally got an appointment for dr. parkman at temple medical center. he is a big shot and such a dear. he told me that i was too young for the trial but that there are many more options for my nausea. hooray! some of the greatest news ever. he put me on this patch that i will wear for nausea (not sure of the name). im going to start it soon so ill fill you in then!

hope everyone is feeling great!

xoxo.

hello dear readers,

so i have big news. i just started trying acupuncture. you know where the poke needles in special spots to make you feel better. and I LOVE IT! its so relaxing and it doesnt hurt a bit.

Acupuncture is a component of traditional Chinese medicine that originated in China over 5,000 years ago. It is based on the belief that living beings have a vital energy, called "qi", that circulates through twelve invisible energy lines known as meridians on the body. Each meridian is associated with a different organ system. An imbalance in the flow of qi throughout a meridian is how disease begins. Acupuncturists insert needles into specified points along meridian lines to influence the restore balance to the flow of qi. There are over 1,000 acupuncture points on the body.

one of my GP friends said it helped her so much! ive only gone twice but im inlove with it. after i feel so great, my energy is up and i feel like a new woman. i do wish that i could be a part of the GP acupuncture study going on at johns hopkins but i cannot make that trip even more often. but i love my acupuncturist and i love the acupuncture itself. i highly recommend it to any person who any sort of pain or anxiety.

hope everyone is feeling good.

xoxo.

good evening my sweet readers,

i want to keep up with this blog so badly so im going to try my best to blog frequently. nothing new or exciting has happened since the last post. running has seemed to really help my stability, strength, and endurance. little by little i am gaining back the strength i once had (as a dancer). im hoping to be in good shape in the next 2 weeks when the danceline/colorguard band camp begins. i can only describe it as hell to me, waking up very very early, doing vigorous activities from 8:30 am to 4:30 pm, and being out all that time in the hott hott weather. im not looking forward to it, or the way my stomach will handle it. but this is what the running is for and hopefully ill be better off come camp time. i hope everyone reading is feeling good. my best GP friend from england is not doing so well. she is permanently hospitalized because she has lost so much weight, and cant keep food in. i feel so awful for her and i wish so badly that i could go be with her at the hospital. unfortunately she lives across the atlantic ocean. so a prayer goes out to her and all of you suffering for this horrid disease.

feel good today.

xoxo.

hey everybody,

i hope all is feeling well. i sure am not. since the last post i have still struggled with my stomach, and throwing up. i just cant seem to get out of this slump. its terrible. this hasnt happened in such a long time.

so today is day 1 of my "self- endurance training" a.k.a. me running everyday. ive heard from a lot of GPers that running and being active helps their stomach. now i couldnt handle doing dance for more than an hour but right now i need to build up my strength and endurance for this upcoming year of danceline//colorguard. Its my last year and i made captain so i need to be able to do everything im asked. so im going to go for a run//walk everyday. im really hoping that itll work out for the best.

stay strong.

hello everybody,

i cannot express my apologies that i haven't posting for a month now. things have been hectic and ive been so very busy. but an update for ya, last wednesday we traveled down again to baltimore to go see the lovely Dr Linda Lee. She was great and was so happy to hear of my progress. I've gained 3 pounds and have been eating regularly. but lately i have been in a terrible two week slump of feeling nothing but crappp. all in all she seemed exstatic about my progress and suggested me re-trying phenergan. it is an anti nausea medicine ive used before, but it just made me too sleeppy with little effects. so im going to give it a try again and see what'll happpen.

she also suggested that the next step would be going to philidelphia to be in a clinical trial for a new anti-nausea drug. i am so super excited and cant wait to go. she said the doctor is top notch, and for someone out of johns hopkins to say that, he must be good.

i hope you all are feeling great!

xoxo.

hello fellow GP-ers.

i have finally been feeling good consistently. its so very nice that the 8 pills of domperidone a day is finally seeming to work. its a miracle drug, and bullshit that its not FDA approved. utter bullshit. but feeling decent has been going my way, welll until two nights ago. after eating a bit too many chocolate covered pomegranates, i was throwing up so so so hard, that i actually couldn't breathe. i had just major inflammation of my damaged vocal chords and failing thyroid glands that i couldn't breathe. nothing like this has ever happened to me. it was quite frightening. so of course the boyfriend called 911, since of course i was at his house. mom and dad rushed over and the ambulance took me to the ER. win! there they took xrays of my lungs and throat. everything was okay and finally the breathing became close to normal and i could go home. what a pain in the ass this disease is. so many things all combined really screws with my life. but on a good note, i will be leaving tomorrow for daytona beach florida. my heaven and favorite place on earth. so i cant wait to get away, relax and soak up the sun.

hope everyone is feeling good.

xoxo.