so you know what is my favorite thing in the world? throwing up while driving by yourself. (JK) thhis happened to me tonight, and its been one of many times. there are several ways to do this. 1.) (most dangerous/stupid) hold giant eagle bag (since i know all you GPers cars are stocked up with giant eagle bags) in both hands while still on the wheel and puke into bag as you are driving/steering. 2.) pull off to side of road and puke into that same giant eagle bag. 3.) pull on onto side and road, open up the car door and puke your guts out the door. fun eh? these are my three ways of barfing while driving. i can say that i am an expert at this. so hope you enjoyed the tips.HAHAH.

its so ironic that after i post my last post, i started to feel better, then suddenly it came on so quickly. i threw up my entire day, like usual. so much fun...not. so of course i didnt get into school today. feeling like absolute crap. i really just want a break from it all but it never seems to happen. this weekend was so good, i wanted to make it into school so bad. but i am thankful that i had a fun weekend and got to enjoy my amazing friends. my parents are starting to talk about taking me out of school again. thats exactly what i dont want this year, my senior year. it would be homebound again. last year it did really relieve so much stress from me. i dont know if i want to or not this year. i want to be in school so bad, but only when i feel good and thats so rare. being at home gives me some peace about worrying about getting into school. i dont know. i need to think it through...

so now i am feeling better, sortof. its so on and off its frustrating and annoying as hell. please someone fix me. this week i only have two days of school so im praying that i will be able to get there. i need to. ive missed about half of the days that we have been in school, and we've only been in 40. but whatever i do what i can. one of my favorite quotes for gp is "take one day at a time." caus thats really all that you can do. it helps me handle the stress of everyday life and all the stress that comes with missing school, dance, my future and everything in my life that happens to go wrong. i just have to take one day at a time. thats all we can really do guys.

is it sad or wrong that sometime i just want to be put into the hospital? i've felt sick for such a long time, and recently for a week and a half straight, with no school, i just want to give up. just shove me in the hospital, give me lots of drugs, and let me sleep my days away. not only is my stomach ill so is the rest of my body. i dont want to do anything, when it goes this long i cant take it and all i want to do is cry. no relief. no closer to a cure. cure me. i need it so bad, and so many of you beautiful people need it to. we need help, we cant live like this. no one knows the pain, suffering, and torture we go through every day. please give us strength.

i want to be free.