so i just got home from a trip to Philadelphia to the Temple Medical Center to see Dr. Parkman. This wa sa follow up to my stomach emptying scan, which like i said earlier came up so bizarre (my food my going through fine but my liquids had trouble going though (which i have trouble believing because i still puke things from up to 8 hours prior)). He said one of the drug trials that he is involved with i couldn't be a part of because of my results, but there is another trial on a drug that still being cleared through the company. hopefully by the time we go back in april i can be a part of it. he gave me a new drug, another anti-depressant, for the time being. im not sure the name but once i start it i will fill everyone in. i hate taking anti-depressant because i think the paxel has made me even more sad. hopefully this one will do the reverse effect and make me happy and feeling good. fingers crossed.

today i feel awful. i haven't been to school for three weeks (minus one day). i dont care about anything anymore when i feel good. i throw my diet out the window and try to make the best of my good feelings. but boy do i pay for it in the end. i have been sleeping an unusual amount recently. i sleep for 12-15 hours and cannot wake up. i dont know if it has to do with my thyroid (since i haven't gotten my regular blood work done for...forever.) but that is also making me very worn down and tired. this friday i am going back to temple medical center for my return appointment with dr. parkman. it also happens to be the day after the birthday (boo). so i get to bring my bestfriend alex, since my boyfriend cant miss his two college finals, on thursday (my birthday) over to phili with me. we are going to a fancy restaurant and then dr appt in the AM. we also get to go to king of prussia mall (SCORE!) so atleast ican make a lot of fun out of this appointment even though its on my birthday. hopefully he gives me lots of lovely drugs thatll make me feel great.

so you know what is my favorite thing in the world? throwing up while driving by yourself. (JK) thhis happened to me tonight, and its been one of many times. there are several ways to do this. 1.) (most dangerous/stupid) hold giant eagle bag (since i know all you GPers cars are stocked up with giant eagle bags) in both hands while still on the wheel and puke into bag as you are driving/steering. 2.) pull off to side of road and puke into that same giant eagle bag. 3.) pull on onto side and road, open up the car door and puke your guts out the door. fun eh? these are my three ways of barfing while driving. i can say that i am an expert at this. so hope you enjoyed the tips.HAHAH.

its so ironic that after i post my last post, i started to feel better, then suddenly it came on so quickly. i threw up my entire day, like usual. so much fun...not. so of course i didnt get into school today. feeling like absolute crap. i really just want a break from it all but it never seems to happen. this weekend was so good, i wanted to make it into school so bad. but i am thankful that i had a fun weekend and got to enjoy my amazing friends. my parents are starting to talk about taking me out of school again. thats exactly what i dont want this year, my senior year. it would be homebound again. last year it did really relieve so much stress from me. i dont know if i want to or not this year. i want to be in school so bad, but only when i feel good and thats so rare. being at home gives me some peace about worrying about getting into school. i dont know. i need to think it through...

so now i am feeling better, sortof. its so on and off its frustrating and annoying as hell. please someone fix me. this week i only have two days of school so im praying that i will be able to get there. i need to. ive missed about half of the days that we have been in school, and we've only been in 40. but whatever i do what i can. one of my favorite quotes for gp is "take one day at a time." caus thats really all that you can do. it helps me handle the stress of everyday life and all the stress that comes with missing school, dance, my future and everything in my life that happens to go wrong. i just have to take one day at a time. thats all we can really do guys.

is it sad or wrong that sometime i just want to be put into the hospital? i've felt sick for such a long time, and recently for a week and a half straight, with no school, i just want to give up. just shove me in the hospital, give me lots of drugs, and let me sleep my days away. not only is my stomach ill so is the rest of my body. i dont want to do anything, when it goes this long i cant take it and all i want to do is cry. no relief. no closer to a cure. cure me. i need it so bad, and so many of you beautiful people need it to. we need help, we cant live like this. no one knows the pain, suffering, and torture we go through every day. please give us strength.

i want to be free.

hello GP suffers,

its been a month since my last post and i just wanted to fill you guys in. nothing major has been happening except being extremely sick. the previous two weeks i was out of school, totally sick. ontop of that i had an awful cold. it made me feel miserable and i just wanted to sleep all day. we have been trying this sancuso patch. its supposed to relieve nausea, you put the patch on your arm and keep iton for seven days. but it really doesnt like to stay that long. so i have to bandage it down. i really hate it though and dont recommend it. it doesnt really help at all and all it does is change the color of my skin and leave weird bug bite like bumps all over the spot it was. luckily i have been feeling well enough this week to go to school. i also didnt get sick at the homecoming dance last saturday. i made it the whole time, sweaty and all with getting over heated, sick, or vomitting. hooray!

i hope you all are feeling well.

xoxo.